There are certain people you know you can depend on in a pinch. You know the ones, they just know what to say, how to act, and in what ways to offer support. I’m so lucky for the ones I have in my life, I am certainly blessed. There are also some people, I’ve learned, that no matter HOW much you like ‘em or even LOVE ‘em, they are not the kind of person to call when you are in need.
I have a friend like this. She most always does the wrong thing. And she certainly always says the wrong thing. I feel badly for even noticing it, but its been going on for so many years, I couldn’t help but piece the instances together.
If I am feeling good about something, she will inevitably say something to, either make me aware of negativity around me or bad about myself, whichever works better. If I need advice, she will imply superiority immediately and then dispense horrible advice. Now, God forbid, if I’m in a bad spot she will say the absolute worst thing a person could say to someone feeling the way I might be feeling. Its really remarkable actually.
I can’t decide if she’s a “frenemy” or if she really has that bad of an intuition of what to do or say. She’s a super nice person otherwise. Really she is. And she seems to care about me. I think she is sincere in that, but she absolutely always hurts my feelings, makes me feel worse, or offends my sensibilities.
Can she possibly be doing this without any knowledge or do you think she subconsciously feels better about herself by making me feel worse? I do know other people like that, but I choose to not befriend them. I should add that I don’t have it in me to actually tell her that she is hurting me. I’m just not made that way. I’m a coward. That’s actually what got me thinking about it this time around because I was all set to say, “You know what, you said the absolute worst thing I could imagine someone saying and made me feel ten times worse than I did when we began our conversation”. But I’m a chicken and decided to write about it instead…
some people are just that way. they take happiness and somehow make it pity. i don’t get it. I hope you are not talking about me! Drown in misery, drown…Hahaha..I’m really just kidding.
By: karissa on September 11, 2007
at 3:54 pm
No no no, its not you, I promise!
By: ckmarler on September 11, 2007
at 6:05 pm
Wow! Is it Karissa? She spot on is hating!
Don’t be naive about this. I know it’s hard to believe that some people truly and consciously wish misery on others, but they’re do exist. Seriously, it took many frenemies, and much time to realize that they do know what they are doing. Whoever you are talking about in the above post, that person KNOWS exactly what they are doing. It isn’t subconscious, they’d just like you to think that so that they can keep up with it.
You have got to read Nasty People, by Jay Carter. It is such a great book, fast read too. Get it at your local library if you don’t want to buy it.
I found that I had more than one friend who was a frenemy. Karissa definitely doesn’t sound like a real friend to you.
If she answers this post, watch what she says. If she insults me, then she probably is a frenemy.
By: tina on November 30, 2008
at 4:12 pm
If she insults you, she’s YOUR frenemy, not mine!
Hah! It wasn’t Karissa. “It’s been going on for so many years…” Not that I would, but I couldn’t say that about Karissa, we have known each other a few years, but not SO MANY YEARS.
Plus, I made a conscious effort to not name any names so if you did ever guess who the person is, I’d delete it.
By: ckmarler on December 8, 2008
at 5:38 pm
My comment in the beginning is saying, Yeah, It happens to all of us sometime. The other part was my wonderful sarcastic sense of humor! Have a nice day!
By: karissa on December 10, 2008
at 12:26 pm